Counselors especially need the mind of Christ—Especially should those who have accepted the position of directors or counselors feel that they are required to be in every respect Christian gentlemen. While in dealing with others we are always to be faithful, we should not be rude. The souls with whom we have to do are the Lord’s purchased possession, and we are to permit no hasty, overbearing expression to escape the lips. Brethren, treat men as men, not as servants, to be ordered about at your pleasure. He who indulges a harsh, overbearing spirit, might better become a tender of sheep, as did Moses, and thus learn what it means to be a true shepherd. Moses gained in Egypt an experience as a mighty statesman, and as a leader of the armies, but he did not there learn the lessons essential for true greatness. He needed an experience in more humble duties, that he might become a caretaker, tender toward every living thing. In keeping the flocks of Jethro, his sympathies were called out to the sheep and lambs, and he learned to guard these creatures of God with the gentlest care. Although their voice could never complain of mistreatment, yet their attitude might show much. God cares for all the creatures He has made. In working for God in this lowly station, Moses learned to be a tender shepherd for Israel.—SpT-A5, 18, 19.
(PaM 215.1)
The pastor needs to understand an endless variety of temperaments—As the physician deals with physical disease, so does the pastor minister to the sin-sick soul. And his work is as much more important than that of the physician as eternal life is more valuable than temporal existence. The pastor meets with an endless variety of temperaments, and it is his duty to become acquainted with the members of the families that listen to his teachings in order to determine what means will best influence them in the right direction.—Gospel Workers, 338.
(PaM 215.2)
Family
The Word should be considered a family counselor—Parents need to reform; ministers need to reform; they need God in their households. If they would see a different state of things, they must bring His Word into their families and must make it their counselor. They must teach their children that it is the voice of God addressed to them, and is to be implicitly obeyed. They should patiently instruct their children, kindly and untiringly teach them how to live in order to please God. The children of such a household are prepared to meet the sophistries of infidelity. They have accepted the Bible as the basis of their faith, and they have a foundation that cannot be swept away by the incoming tide of skepticism.—Patriarchs and Prophets, 143.
(PaM 215.3)
Do not listen to the private troubles and family disappointments of women attracted to you—Women have been attracted to you, and have been ready to pour into your ears their private troubles and family disappointments. You ought not to lend an ear to them, but tell them that you are yourself only an erring mortal; that God is their helper.—Mind, Character, and Personality 2:767.
(PaM 216.1)
If a woman manifests undue attention and mourns that her husband does not love her, do not try to supply this lack—Those who stand as ministers in the sacred desk should be men of blameless reputation; their lives should be spotless, above everything that savors of impurity. Do not place your reputation in jeopardy by going in the way of temptation. If a woman lingeringly holds your hand, quickly withdraw it and save her from sin. If she manifests undue affection and mourns that her husband does not love her and sympathize with her, do not try to supply this lack. Your only safe and wise course in such a case is to keep your sympathy to yourself. Such cases are numerous. Point such souls to the Burden Bearer, the true and safe Counselor. If she has chosen Christ as a companion, He will give her grace to bear neglect without repining; meanwhile she should diligently do all in her power to bind her husband to herself by strictest fidelity to him and faithfulness in making his home cheerful and attractive. If all her efforts are unavailing and unappreciated, she will have the sympathy and aid of her blessed Redeemer. He will help her to bear all her burdens and comfort her in her disappointments. She shows distrust of Jesus when she reaches for human objects to supply the place that Christ is ever ready to fill. In her repining she sins against God. She would do well to examine her own heart critically to see if sin is not lurking in the soul. The heart that thus seeks human sympathy and accepts forbidden attentions from any one is not pure and faultless before God.—Testimonies for the Church 5:598.
(PaM 216.2)
Grief
The minister offers grief counselees a special, significant hope—Pain cannot exist in the atmosphere of heaven. In the home of the redeemed there will be no tears, no funeral trains, no badges of mourning. “The inhabitant shall not say, I am sick: the people that dwell therein shall be forgiven their iniquity.”Isaiah 33:24. One rich tide of happiness will flow and deepen as eternity rolls on.—Testimonies for the Church 9:286.
(PaM 216.3)
Those not demonstrative in their grief may feel it deeper [Ellen White speaks of the death of her son’s wife]—Poor Willie is indeed bereaved. He never is demonstrative, therefore he will mourn alone and feel it deeper. My heart is sore and sad.—EGW’88 678.
(PaM 217.1)
Grief can make the strongest despondent [Ellen White speaks of the death of her fourth child, three-month-old John Herbert]—After we returned from the funeral, my home seemed lonely. I felt reconciled to the will of God, yet despondency and gloom settled upon me.—Testimonies for the Church 1:246.
(PaM 217.2)
Christianity brings a hope that rises above despondency in grief [Ellen White speaks of the death of her husband]—I shall give way to no outbursts of grief, if my heart breaks. I serve God, not impulsively, but intelligently. I have a Saviour who will be to me a very present help in time of trouble. I am a Christian. I know in whom I have believed. He expects from me implicit unwavering submission. Undue grief is displeasing to God. I take up my appointed cross and will follow the Lord fully. I will not give myself to abandonment of grief. I will not yield to a morbid and melancholy state of feeling. I will not complain or murmur at the providence of God. Jesus is my Saviour. He lives. He will never leave me nor forsake me.”—This Day With God, 302.
(PaM 217.3)
Limitations
Counselors should not be mind and judgment for others—Instead of acting as a wise counselor, he assumes the prerogatives of an exacting ruler. God is dishonored by every such display of authority and self-exaltation. No man standing in his own strength is ever to be mind and judgment for another man whom the Lord is using in His work.—Testimonies to Ministers and Gospel Workers, 491.
(PaM 217.4)
Ministers may give counsel but seek wisdom from God—In the place of bearing your perplexities to a brother or a minister, take them to the Lord in prayer. Do not place the minister where God should be. The minister of Christ is like other men. True, he bears sacred responsibilities, but he is not infallible. He is compassed with infirmity, and needs grace and divine enlightenment. He needs the heavenly unction, in order to do his work with success. Those who know how to pray, who know what are the invitations of the gospel of Christ, show dishonor to God when they lay their burdens upon finite men. It is always right to counsel together; it is right to converse together; it is right to make the difficulties that present themselves in any enterprise plain before your brethren and your ministers. But do not depend upon man for wisdom. Seek God for the wisdom that comes from above. Ask your fellow laborers to pray with you; and the Lord will fulfill His Word, “Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst.”(Matthew 18:20)—The Youth’s Instructor, February 15, 1900.
(PaM 217.5)
Members should not expect their minister to replace Christ as their guide and counselor—Many look to their ministers to bring the light from God to them, seeming to think this a cheaper way than to be to the trouble of going to God for it themselves. Such lose much. If they would daily follow Christ and make Him their guide and counselor, they might obtain a clear knowledge of His will, and thus be gaining a valuable experience. For want of this very experience, brethren professing the truth walk in the sparks of others’ kindling; they are unacquainted with the Spirit of God and have not a knowledge of His will, and are therefore easily moved from their faith. They are unstable, because they trusted in others to obtain an experience for them. Ample provisions have been made for every son and daughter of Adam to obtain individually a knowledge of the divine will, to perfect Christian character, and to be purified through the truth. God is dishonored by that class who profess to be followers of Christ and yet have no experimental knowledge of the divine will or of the mystery of godliness.—Testimonies for the Church 2:644.
(PaM 218.1)