Chapter 41—Counsels on Certain Marriage Situations
A Case Where a Second Marriage was Justified
In regard to the marriage of your daughter with J, I see where you are troubled. But the marriage took place with your consent, and your daughter, knowing all about him, accepted him as her husband, and now I can see no reason why you should carry any burden over this matter. Your daughter loves J, and it may be that this marriage is in the order of God in order that both J and your daughter may have a richer Christian experience, and be built up where they are deficient. Your daughter has pledged herself to J in marriage, and to break her marriage vows would be far from right. She cannot now disannul her obligations to him.... I had a personal knowledge of his former relations with his first wife K. J loved K far too well; for she was not worthy of his regard. He did all in his power to help her, and sought in every possible way to retain her as his wife. He could not have done more than he did do. I pleaded with her, and tried to show her the inconsistency of her course, and begged her not to obtain a divorce; but she was determined and willful and stubborn, and would have her own way. While she lived with him, she sought to secure all the money possible from him, but she would not treat him kindly as a wife should treat her husband.
(2SM 339.1)
J did not put his wife away. She left him, and put him away, and married another man. I see nothing in the Scripture that forbids him to marry again in the Lord. He has a right to the affection of a woman....
(2SM 340.1)
I cannot see that this new union should be disturbed. It is a serious matter to part a man and his wife. There is no scriptural ground upon which to take such a step in this case. He did not leave her, she left him. He did not marry again until she had obtained a divorce. When K divorced herself from J he suffered most keenly, and it was not until K had married another man that J married again. The one he has chosen I feel certain will be a help to him, and he can be a help to her....I see nothing in the Word of God that would require her to separate from him. As you have asked my advice I will freely give it to you.—Letter 50, 1895.
(2SM 340.2)
Counsel to a Young Woman Who Contemplated Marrying a Divorced Man
[In this case Brother L had left his wife and family and had journeyed to a distant land, trusting the wife’s father to provide for their support. His wife in time sued for divorce on the grounds of desertion. Before the divorce was granted he began to place his affection on the young lady to whom this message is addressed.—Compilers.]
(2SM 340)
The Provoking Party has No Right to Remarry
I have been considering your case in connection with L, and I have no other counsel to give than I have given. I consider that you have no moral right to marry L; he has no moral right to marry you. He left his wife after giving her great provocation. He left her whom he had vowed before God to love and cherish while both should live. Before ever she obtained her divorce, when she was his lawful wife, he left her for three years, and then left her in heart, and expressed his love to you. The matter has been negotiated largely between you and a married man while he was legally bound to the wife he married, who has had two children by him.
(2SM 340.3)
I see not a particle of leniency in the Scriptures given either of you to contract marriage, although his wife is divorced. From the provocation he has given her, it was largely his own course of action that has brought this result, and I cannot see in any more favorable light his having a legal right to link his interest with yours or you to link your interest with his....
(2SM 341.1)
I am astonished that you should for a moment give thought to such a thing, and place your affections on a married man who had left his wife and children under such circumstances. I advise you to lay your thoughts and plans regarding this matter just as they are before our responsible brethren, that you may receive their counsel, and let them show you from the law of God the error into which you have fallen. You have both broken the law even in thinking that you might unite in marriage. You should have repelled the thought at its first suggestion.—Letter 14, 1895.
(2SM 341.2)
Case Not Bettered by Leaving Present Wife
[Counsel given in response to the endeavor of a father to break up a long-standing marriage of his son to his second wife because many years before he had, without Bible grounds, divorced his first wife to make legally possible the second marriage.—Compilers.]
(2SM 341)
I have just read your letter concerning M. I regard the matter in the same light that you do, and think it a cruel, wicked thing that the father of M should take the course that he is taking.... I would say that his [M’s] case cannot be improved by leaving the present wife. It would not better the case to go to the other woman in the question.
(2SM 341.3)
I consider the case of the father one that is singular, and his record is one that he will not be pleased to meet in the day of God. He needs to repent, before God, of his spirit and his works. The best thing for him to do is to cease to stir up strife Let the father and brother make diligent work for themselves. They both need the converting power of God. May the Lord help these poor souls to remove spot and stain from their own characters, and repent of their wrongs, and leave M with the Lord.
(2SM 341.4)
I am so sorry for the man; for his course is in such a shape that it will not answer to be meddled with, for there are difficulties upon difficulties. I would say that the Lord understands the situation, and if M will seek Him with all his heart, He will be found of him. If he will do his best, God will pardon and receive him.
(2SM 342.1)
Oh, how precious it is to know that we have One who does know and understand, and will help the ones who are most helpless. But the rebuke of God is upon the father and the brother who would drive to destruction and perdition one who stands in the sight of God under no worse condemnation than themselves; and yet they will so use their gifts of speech as to dishearten, discourage, and drive M to despair.
(2SM 342.2)
M may hope in God and do the best he can to serve God in all humility of mind, casting his helpless soul upon the great Sin Bearer. I have not written a word to either father or son. I would gladly do something to help poor M to make things right, but this cannot be done as matters are now situated, without someone’s being wronged.—Letter 175, 1901.
(2SM 342.3)
All One in Christ
Whoever of the human family give themselves to Christ, whoever hear the truth and obey it, become children of one family. The ignorant and the wise, the rich and the poor, the heathen and the slave, white or black,—Jesus paid the purchase money for their souls. If they believe on Him, His cleansing blood is applied to them. The black man’s name is written in the book of life beside the white man’s. All are one in Christ. Birth, station, nationality, or color cannot elevate or degrade men. The character makes the man. If a red man [American Indian], a Chinese, or an African gives his heart to God, in obedience and faith, Jesus loves him none the less for his color. He calls him His well-beloved brother.—Manuscript 6, 1891.
(2SM 342.4)