Your wife should make strong efforts to come out of her retired, dignified reserve, and cultivate simplicity in all her actions. And when the higher order of faculties is aroused in you, and strengthened by exercise, you will better understand the wants of women; you will understand that the soul craves love of a higher, purer order than exists in the low order of animal passions. These passions have been strengthened in you by encouragement and exercise. If now in the fear of God you keep your body under, and seek to meet your wife with pure, elevated love, the wants of her nature will be met. Take her to your heart; esteem her highly. (2T 415.1) MC VC

You have been exalted and have taken a position above your wife. You have not understood yourself. You have had a high appreciation of your religious experience and advancement in the divine life. These things have hindered, instead of helping, your wife. She feared for you, feared that you did not really understand yourself, and that you would go too fast. Your union has not been happy. You have been unsuited to each other. Your wife has a timid, fearful, shrinking nature. You have utterly failed to understand her. She hesitates and fears to move out because she is afraid of going too fast. She needs confidence in herself and should encourage independence. (2T 415.2) MC VC

Brother M, you fail to encourage the confidence of your wife. You are lacking in courteousness and in constant, kindly regard for her. You sometimes manifest love, but it is a selfish love. It is not principle with you, reaching down deep and underlying all your actions. It is not an unselfish love, which prompts a continual forethought for her and a care to have her in your society, showing her that you prefer her company above all others. You have sought for your own amusement, leaving her at home lonely and often sad. You pursued this course before moving to this place and have continued to do so since in a less degree for want of opportunity or excuse. (2T 415.3) MC VC

Your wife would scorn to let you know that she marked the deficiencies in you. She has a fear of you. Had you possessed genuine love, which such a nature as hers requires, you would have found an answering chord in her heart. You are too cold and stiff. You have at times manifested affection, but it has not awakened love in return because you have not been courteous and attentive, and manifested a kind regard for your wife by consulting her happiness. You have too many times felt at liberty to saunter off in pursuit of your own pleasure without consulting her pleasure or happiness at all. (2T 416.1) MC VC

True, pure love is precious. It is heavenly in its influence. It is deep and abiding. It is not spasmodic in its manifestations. It is not a selfish passion. It bears fruit. It will lead to a constant effort to make your wife happy. If you have this love, it will come natural to make this effort. It will not appear to be forced. If you go out for a walk or to attend a meeting, it will be as natural as your breath to choose your wife to accompany you and to seek to make her happy in your society. You regard her spiritual attainments as inferior to your own, but I saw that God was better pleased with her spirit than with that possessed by yourself. You are not worthy of your wife. She is too good for you. She is a frail, sensitive plant; she needs to be cared for tenderly. She earnestly desires to do the will of God. But she has a proud spirit, and is timid, shrinking from reproach. It is as death to her to be the subject of observation or remark. Let your wife be loved, honored, and cherished, in fulfillment of the marriage vow, and she will come out of that reticent, diffident position which is natural to her. (2T 416.2) MC VC

Only let a woman realize that she is appreciated by her husband and is precious to him, not merely because she is useful and convenient in his house, but because she is a part of himself, and she will respond to his affection and reflect the love bestowed upon her. Let your wife be the object of your special and hearty attention. When you feel as God would have you, you will feel lost without the society of your wife. You think her faith not worth having, yet it will bring answers sooner than the faith which you possess. (2T 416.3) MC VC