I was shown that self-exaltation has caused Brother R to stumble. He has exercised a certain dignity, savoring of severity, in his family and toward his wife. This has shut her from him. She felt that she could not approach him, and has been in her married life, more like a child fearing a stern, dignified father, than like a wife. She has loved, respected, and idolized her husband notwithstanding his lack of encouraging her confidence. My brother, you should pursue a course that would encourage your timid, shrinking wife to lean upon your large affections, and this would give you a chance, in a delicate, affectionate manner, to correct the errors existing in her, as far as you are capable of so doing, and to inspire her with confidence in herself. (2T 299.1) MC VC

I was shown that you had not possessed that love for your wife that you should. Satan has taken advantage of her defects and your errors, to work for the destruction of your family. You have suffered shame of your wife to come into your heart, and your respect has grown less and less for her whom you vowed to love and cherish until death should part you. (2T 299.2) MC VC

Your wife should make strong efforts to come out of her retired, dignified reserve, and cultivate simplicity in all her actions. And when the higher order of faculties is aroused in you, and strengthened by exercise, you will better understand the wants of women; you will understand that the soul craves love of a higher, purer order than exists in the low order of animal passions. These passions have been strengthened in you by encouragement and exercise. If now in the fear of God you keep your body under, and seek to meet your wife with pure, elevated love, the wants of her nature will be met. Take her to your heart; esteem her highly. (2T 415.1) MC VC

You have been exalted and have taken a position above your wife. You have not understood yourself. You have had a high appreciation of your religious experience and advancement in the divine life. These things have hindered, instead of helping, your wife. She feared for you, feared that you did not really understand yourself, and that you would go too fast. Your union has not been happy. You have been unsuited to each other. Your wife has a timid, fearful, shrinking nature. You have utterly failed to understand her. She hesitates and fears to move out because she is afraid of going too fast. She needs confidence in herself and should encourage independence. (2T 415.2) MC VC

Brother M, you fail to encourage the confidence of your wife. You are lacking in courteousness and in constant, kindly regard for her. You sometimes manifest love, but it is a selfish love. It is not principle with you, reaching down deep and underlying all your actions. It is not an unselfish love, which prompts a continual forethought for her and a care to have her in your society, showing her that you prefer her company above all others. You have sought for your own amusement, leaving her at home lonely and often sad. You pursued this course before moving to this place and have continued to do so since in a less degree for want of opportunity or excuse. (2T 415.3) MC VC