I found it almost impossible to enjoy religion in a large female seminary, surrounded with so many influences calculated to lead the mind from God, and night would often find me in bondage. I did not attend school after I was twelve years old. And I did not feel satisfied with what I enjoyed. I longed to be sanctified to God. But sanctification was preached in such a manner that I could not understand it, and thought that I never could attain to it, and settled down with my present enjoyment.
(2SG 14.1)
MC
VC
In 1841 Wm. Miller gave a second course of lectures in Portland, I attended them, and felt that I was not ready for Christ’s coming. And when the invitation was given for those who desired prayers to come forward, I pressed through the crowd, and in taking up this cross found some relief. I began to plead with God for pure religion. I believed the truths I heard Wm. Miller proclaim; but realized that a mere belief in the second coming of Christ would not save me. I must experience the soul-purifying effects of the truth, that when it was preached, it would find a response in my own heart. O, how I longed for a living experience in the things of God. I prayed earnestly for this. My soul was thirsting for full and free salvation, but I knew not how to obtain it.
(2SG 14.2)
MC
VC
In 1842 I constantly attended the Second Advent meetings in Portland, and fully believed the Lord was coming. I was hungering and thirsting for holiness of heart; day and night it was my study how to obtain this treasure that all the riches of the world could not purchase. And while bowed before the Lord, praying for this blessing, the duty to pray in a prayer-meeting was presented before me. I had never prayed vocally, and was not humble enough to do this, fearing that if I should attempt to pray, I should become confused and be obliged to stop, or my prayer be very broken. Every time I went before the Lord in secret prayer this unfulfilled duty presented itself, until I ceased to pray, for in this state of mind my prayers seemed like mocking God. I settled down in a melancholy state which increased to deep despair.
(2SG 15.1)
MC
VC