In 1842 I constantly attended the Second Advent meetings in Portland, and fully believed the Lord was coming. I was hungering and thirsting for holiness of heart; day and night it was my study how to obtain this treasure that all the riches of the world could not purchase. And while bowed before the Lord, praying for this blessing, the duty to pray in a prayer-meeting was presented before me. I had never prayed vocally, and was not humble enough to do this, fearing that if I should attempt to pray, I should become confused and be obliged to stop, or my prayer be very broken. Every time I went before the Lord in secret prayer this unfulfilled duty presented itself, until I ceased to pray, for in this state of mind my prayers seemed like mocking God. I settled down in a melancholy state which increased to deep despair.
(2SG 15.1)
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VC